The Dark, Ugly Place

Do you know where yours is? I'll bet you do. I think we all have that place we go to in our heads that takes us down a road that may be filled with bitterness, anger, frustration, self-doubt, etc., etc. I'm trying to figure out how I go from feeling fine and positive and generally good about life, work, myself, etc. to worrying about people not communicating, being left out; you know, the dark ugly place. I tell myself, it has nothing to do with me, it's that they have stuff going on in their own life/work that makes them not want to play. I find that when I go to the dark, ugly place regarding my work, it will quickly cross over into my personal life and vice versa. I also find that no matter how much breathing, or positive self talk or thinking I do to try to get out of the dark, ugly place, I haven't found the key to getting out quickly.

I am reminded of this very poignant poem I learned about 20 years ago.

Autobiography in Five Short Chapters
By Portia Nelson


Chapter I
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in. I am lost . . . I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter II
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.I can’t believe I am in the same place.
But, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter III
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.I
still fall in . . . it’s a habit.
My eyes are open. I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter IV
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter V
I walk down another street.


I really thought I had progressed beyond Chapter 3 and in fact, I believe I have for many of my "issues." However, when it comes to feeling as though I belong, am good enough, or have value to others, I struggle with this more than most other things.

So, if anyone has some words of wisdom, I'd love to hear them.....