Sugar Coma

Just had a small hot fudge sundae from Scrumpdilicious Dairy Queen. I am now un a sugar coma and am unable to put two coherent thoughts together. When will I learn?

I Detest Days Like Today

Today was one of those days when I had back to back to back meetings starting at 9:30 thru to 5 PM. (There was a 1/2 hr break in there somewhere.) It's not that I detest the meetings per se because I really do enjoy hearing others ideas and coming up with new thoughts of my own, getting the work done, etc. What I really don't like very much is that by the time the 3rd or 4th meeting rolls around, my ability to really focus and concentrate is very low. You know how Outlook or in our case Lotus Notes (yes, really) just looks for free time to schedule meetings and people just keep filling up the empty space? I think that after two or three meetings are scheduled in one day, a warning should pop telling the scheduler that "the mental capacity for Mary Pat has been reached. If you request her presence at this meeting, please know that her brain activity, ability to concentrate and contributions may be limited."

I've Been Thinkin'

I know that I've been sort of putting myself out there with this blog lately. I mean, what the heck, it's my blog...it's not like there's 100 people reading this. So, why couldn't I just write this stuff in a journal (other than the numbness I would get in my right hand from carpal tunnel)? I could even just type this into a Word document ....why isn't it the same?

I think it's about not hiding. All this "suff" can go on in my head and just go on and on and on and on. If I put it out there and I know that it's really out there, I just can't hide from it and I have to work through it. Sometimes if feels like it's a bit self-indulgent and it is. (I was almost going to put a BUT in there.) At the same time (sort of a BUT) by just moving forward and not giving into the "I'm not good enough, it's stupid" stuff is part of the exercise for me.

So, thank you for letting me just put it out there for as long as it lasts.

What the Heck?

Usually Molly gives her mom (Karen) a thorough bath every morning. I guess when Karen's gone, she'll resort to giving Misty a bath.

Note the shock on Misty's face. What the heck?

Cats, Dogs & Knitting

Random Thoughts (again)

1. Misty and Molly seem to be quite calm and are getting along fairly well this weekend. Karen's out of town. Is there any correlation?
2. There are some adorable dogs on the Animal Planet Dog Show from Harrisburg, PA tonight. It's amazing how different the dogs at the dog show look than the dogs at home. If I were going to get a dog, I have no idea what kind I would get. There are so many adorable ones out there. For now, I'll stick with a cat.
3. I finished the Summer Scabbard today. It called for a Kitchener stitch bind off but I just couldn't bring myself to try it. I did do a sewn K1P1 bind off that turned out very well. It's blocking now and hope to have pictures tomorrow.
4. Some family with medical needs at the moment. Hoping and praying all are well.
5. Talked to my cousin Cullen today....never realized how much he sounds like his Dad. I guess I've never talked to him on the phone before to notice. It's funny how that happens in families. My brothers sound so much alike, my mom and I sound alike...funny.
6. I'm tired. G'night.

But......A Love/Hate Relationship

But......I really detest that word BUT I use it all the time. For some reason, I caught myself today using it in the context of "well, I know I (insert verb of your choice) too BUT at least I recognize it. Really? So what? Does that really make it any better. Does it really let me off the hook? On the other hand, it an option that's so convenient to access and slip into just about any sentence where I'm comparing myself to someone else. BUT what's a girl to do?

Sleep is Highly Overrated

Here it is 4:46 AM and I've been up for a half an hour. This is the third consecutive day that I've been awake at this awful hour and haven't been able to go back to sleep. I've been spending this time in the morning practicing different bind-off techniques. I am at the bottom end of my top down sweater and the pattern calls for a kitchener stitch bind off. Well, not being one to want to get overly fussy with this 200 stitch (in the round) with a big ass cable on either side...i definitely don't want to have to try to split the stitches onto 2 needles. I did give it a go on a swatch and it looked horrid. So, I've been trying different methods that I've found. Many people like Elizabeth Zimmerman's sewn bind off. It is definitely the easiest method I've found. If the goal is to stay flexible and stretchy with the bind off, this one definitely gets the job done and it looks pretty good too. Then there's the K1P1 Rib (Invisible) sewn bind off that I found in my Vogue Knitting book that is still a bit fussy but you don't have to split the stitches on to two needles. I really like the looks of this one. It too is stretchy but it has potential for a screw up about halfway through the binding off process if I don't pay attention to it. So, my 4:53 AM plan is to try another swatch using the invisible K1P1 bind off and see if I can be a bit more consistent. Then I plan to spend time this weekend just focusing on getting this sweater off the needles. Here's the cool thing though....even though I'm not going to use Kitchner stitch, I have now tried it and I understand it better. Plus in the process I have learned that there are other bind off methods that I can use and that I have tried. I can see the attraction of the EZ Sewn bind off as it is very simple and not error prone and does lay nicely. So, all this learning is good. Now I just have to forge ahead.

I Think I Should Stop Counting the Days

Well, I'm thinking that this self reflection kick I've been on might be waning a bit. I found an interesting article from Harvard Business Review on the Dangers of Feeling Like a Fake. It caught my eye because for many years Mom & I have joked about being a part of the "fake it" family. It talked about people being very successful at work and yet feeling like they were going to be found out for not really knowing what they are doing. It's also not an uncommon phenomena and like anything else, there are varying degrees of it. It's given me a lot to think about (which by the way, I am really tired of doing these days) and to be more aware of. It is a lifelong journey and I realize that I can't be complacent about that anymore. I really want to be aware of these types of things and intentionally act differently.

The weekend has been a good one so far. Saw Harry Potter on Friday night. It was really good. It's fascinating to see how the characters have grown up and aged. Yesterday, I went to San Diego to just do something different. It took TWO hours to get there. The traffic on I-5 was bumper to bumper from about Camp Pendelton to around Mission Beach. There were a few places where it lightened up but it was a bit ridiculous for a Saturday. Thank goodness it didn't take that long to get back to OC. The harbor area is absolutely beautiful...so many sail boats.

Today was manicure/pedicure day. It's nice to have someone take sandpaper to my feet to get rid of the calluses - even if it is temporary. I'm now going to either do work work or knit a swatch to practice kitchner stitch. I'm almost done with the sweater and the hem is done with a kitchner stitch to bind off. I've never done it before so I thought I'd practice first. It would really stink if I got to the bottom of this sweater (it's knit from the top down...one of the best ways to knit a sweater in my opinion) only to screw up the bind off.

That's it for today.

Days Three and Four

How in the world did it get to be Thursday? Also, how in the world has it been 40 years since the landing on the moon? I remember being in the family room on Myer Terrace watching that. Wow!

So, someone said to me yesterday that the times when I am doing excellent work are the times I feel the worst about myself. I do think there's an element of truth in that. It's an odd sort of conundrum that I need to ponder some more but I know that I do have a hard time when people tell me that something is successful because of my work or that I did an excellent job at something. I mean, I am proud of the work I do but there's some sort of goofy Catholic guilt that comes in to play where I hear in the back of my head that pride is a bad thing. Geez....I thought I had worked through a bunch of this before. Maybe it's all a progression. I had worked through what I could in the past, now I'm ready to work on more. Does it ever get easier?

I'm not sure what I'm going to do this weekend. I'm having the much needed "Gray Be Gone" day tomorrow. I always look forward to that. I'll be seeing Harry Potter tomorrow evening. I have some work to do.....not sure what else. I keep thinking that I might need to go to the beach and do some reading this weekend. We'll see. There's always knitting.

Day Two...How Long Can I Keep This Up?

The project at work is coming along well. I am thrilled that I'm going to be able to work with some people that I haven't had the opportunity to work closely with in the past.

I was noticing today how I respond to some people without even thinking about it. I don't mean I'm not paying attention to what I'm saying. I mean that I have a reaction to some individuals that is automatic. Why do I do that? Is it some sort of protective mechanism? I have also noticed that some of my previously passive aggressive tendencies have slipped back into my repertoire. I notice that when I begin to doubt myself that these characteristics start to creep into my everyday life. I know that my confidence has been shaken lately, that I've had some disappointments that push the "I'm really not good enough.....you think way too much of yourself" button. That's a big one for me. I need to work through this but I'm not sure exactly how to do this right now. I'm going to have to think about this some more.

Well, there it is. Today's ramblations....(I think I just made that word up.)

This is What Happens When Facebook Takes Over...

April.....really, I haven't posted on this blog since April? Wow. I've been thinking about this lately and wondered what's been going on that has stopped me from posting on the blog.

Some Random Reflections:

• In some respects it's easier to post on Facebook because I know I'm connected to others whereas on this blog, only a few people read it.
• Twitter requires that I only think of something that's 140 characters long so there is no long term commitment to updating my status on Twitter.
• A blog does allow me to develop my thoughts and post pictures and tell a story.
• Sometimes I think that my perception that I'm not as creative a writer as I once thought I was is related to not writing my thoughts down.
• I don't think that Facebook and Twittering really expand my brain like blogging does. Although I think keeping a journal might have the same effect as blogging.
• I think I don't spend enough time doing things that really enrich my life and mind.
• I spend too much time thinking about the things I have to get done or thinking that I only have xxxx amount of time until I have to do other things.
• I think I need a vacation from myself.
• I think being engaged in your own life must be a conscious effort. Sometimes it requires more energy than I have.
• I put pressure on myself about blogging. "I have to have pictures." "I have to have something witty to say." Blah Blah Blah.

So there you have it. Months of waiting for a new post and this is what comes out. Enjoy!

Happy Monday.